Thursday, September 22, 2011

One is the loneliest numbers...

I think I've been listening to too many Taylor Swift/Adele songs, that's not good for anyone especially me...

I've been single for almost 2 years now. I hate to admit it but one of the reasons i haven't really put an effort towards anything is because i am still "friends" with my ex. I've accepted the fact that we won't ever be anything but, friends. For some reason I always fall back into the same routine when he's home(works out of town). I'm starting to feel lonely, not the no one is around lonely but the relationship lonely. I am quite content with the way things are in my life right now is, but it would be nice to have someone to share it with. I truly believe things happen for a reason and maybe this is not happening right now for a reason. One of the big reasons i am a bit hesitant about "getting back out their" is because i don't want to get hurt again. I felt destroyed after the last time, it has taken me a  long time to get over it and feel "normal" again. I'm afraid that my heart can't take that again. It can only get smashed into a million little pieces so many times before it just stays that way.

I know that fairy tales don't really exist but i am tired of kissing all these frogs.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

The end of summer...

Well summer is officially over, and the only reason i say officially is because school starts on tuesday...eek!!! It hasn't dawned on me yet that as of Tuesday my life will get that much more crazy! I have decided to take 2 courses at a time this semester. Which means Mon-Thurs i have school from 5-8, soccer tuesday nights and working full time! Not sure how this is going to go!

Although school is starting the weather is just starting to get nice out! Suppose to be in the 30's all week!!! But alas i will be busy elsewhere, i have however been enjoying the last few days of the sun, at the beach and pool!
A few favorite memories from the summer...
  • Random Trip to Seattle
  • The beach/pool
  • Floating down the channel
  • Sunday dinners at the Yacht Club
  • Nights out with friends
  • Wine...Yes it does deserve it's own bullet point.
  • Family visits
Now since summer is almost over and the only books i will be reading for the next little while is a school book i thought i would post some of my favorite reads...
  • Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas - James Patterson
  • Sunday's at Tiffany's - James Patterson
  • Chasing Harry Windston - Lauren Weisberger
  • The Pact - Jodi Picoult
  • I'll be there for you - Louise Candlish
  • The Pilot's wife - Anita Shreve
  • Nineteen Minutes - Jodi Picoult
  • Light on Snow - Anita Shreve
  • The Autobiography of an Execution - David r. Dow (Don't judge, i have this weird obsession the American Prison systmer...locked up anyone!?)
  • Pretty Little Bitch Girl - Jackie Collins
  • Sam's Letters to Jennifer - James Patterson
I will pretty much read anything written by James Patterson, or Irish Johansen, such good authors!!

Off to bed, and looking forward to one more day in the sun!!

Saturday, September 3, 2011

US of A

For as long as I can remember I have had this weird love/obsession for the states. I think it all started when i was younger and went on a family vacation to Hawaii. I love the hot weather, the beach, the ocean. I could wake up to the smell and sound of the ocean. My parents have a place in phoenix, and I again I could see myself living their. I have often said to them that I am going to move down to phoenix, they tell me if i move down their I won't be staying at their place!  Now my latest love for the states is Seattle. I could see myself having a place downtown, within walking distance to everything that i needed. I like that big city living. The little coffee shops on the corner, the markets, the restaurants that have only 5-8 tables! Now I know I could just move down to vancouver but for some reason i don't get the same feeling when I'm in Vancouver as I do when I'm in the States! I have even looked at finding work down in the states. It's not as easy as i would like it to be!! You have to find a company to sponsor you, in some states you have to have a crazy amount of money in your bank account....aka $20,000-$50000. Not going to be happening any time soon!

Now having said all that, If things go according to plan with school in the next few years, after i finish I will definitely be applying to hospital in the states! Who know's maybe by then their will be a shortage of Rad/US tech' know all those baby boomers retiring!! Here's hoping!

A view of Downtown Seattle
                                       I could get used to this sunset every night...

Monday, February 21, 2011

Everyone's got them...Newyears Resolutions( a little late)

So it has been brought to my attention that i suck at updating my blog so here i go again....

At the start of the year I gave myself some resolutions. And this year I decided to make it about me-not selfishly. That was supposed to happen last year but i spent the year mourning, miserable, and unhappy(probably my least favorite year so far). One of my main things was to get healthier, and by healthier i mean lose weight. I joined weight watchers in January and have lost 10lbs so far. This may not be a lot of weight but I'm working at it slowly and have realized that i need to do it in a healthy way. I can't tell you the number of times I've given up just because i don't see the results i want right away! I started going to the gym, taking belly fit grove class's and zumba class's and play a little bit of soccer. I can notice a different in myself already. I don't feel tired all the time, i have more energy and i can tell I've lost inch's. It's going to be a long process but i am in this for better or for worse. Plus I've said it out loud, on paper-well a blog and theirs nothing like a few people knowing for some motivation-if everyone knows and i did nothing about it i would be just a little embarrassed!

May be surrounded by a million people i still feel all alone...which leads me to my next "resolution". I've been feeling pretty lonely for the last couple months. I have some good friends, friends i wish i could keep in touch with a little better, and friends who i wished all lived in the same town as me and of course i have my family. I haven't gone on a date in a long time, I'm in a little bit of a "dry spell". But having said all that I've decided to focus on being ok by myself. I guess you could say I'm dating myself(cheesy i know), learn to be happy with me! I was doing the whole on line dating thing but stopped that as well. Just needed to give it a break and not be constantly looking! Plus the last guy i started talking to was a little too creepy for my liking! This probably sounds like every single girl out their but i honestly feel like this will make me a better person!

Now with all that focusing on myself comes a little bit of schoolwork...math work to be exact! You see i want to go back to school and i was not a very good high school student so i am paying for it now. I have about 4 more levels of math to complete, not to mention the science's class i need to finish. I can't ever remember wanting to actually go back to school, but i know the reward in the end will totally be worth it! (and it even means i could get out of kelowna-I'll save that for another blog post).

These are just a few of the resolutions I've made for myself, i know they sound pretty simple, but sometimes the simple things are the best things:)

Until next time...

Monday, January 10, 2011

Maybe it's a me thing...

How long is it supposed to take to get over an ex?

I know everyone is different but I just feel like I should have been over this already.

 Most days I feel Ok, but other days it feels like it was yesterday but actually it has been almost a year to…..the day he came over to tell me that the “break” we were on was over for good. But who I am kidding, breaks never work right? I can still picture him walking through my door, holding a bag of my things, taking my keys off his key chain and placing them on the counter…he didn’t have to say anything. As he stood in front of me, both of us crying, I knew what was coming. “I don’t love you the way you love me and it’s not fair, I don’t love you the way you deserve to be loved”. Now let me tell you, those words sting, plain and simple.
He once asked me how I knew that I loved him, and that got me thinking. Did I really love him?
When ever I think of that question i always seem to go back to the quote from the movie It Takes Two (with the Olsen twins) “That can’t eat, can’t sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence world series, kind of love.” I think I really did love him, he was a great guy, sooo good to me, even when I wasn’t that good to him,. He made me laugh. Most of all he liked me for me. After we broke up I remember feeling like I didn’t want to go on, crying for days(I had to pull myself together though because the afternoon we broke up I had a job interview to go to!!!). I couldn’t even get a full sentence out when I called my mom to tell her because I was crying so hard. My chest felt like someone was sitting on it, and I couldn’t breathe. I hurt. One of the many reasons I knew that I had loved him, was because I couldn’t even hate him when we broke up. Now some people may think that’s crazy. But as hard as I tried I never got mad or angry at him. (Not even some drunk text/dialing telling him how wrong he was and how much he would regret it!lol). I almost wish that he had been an asshole or he had done something that would have made me hate me…but he wasn’t and he didn't. Not to mention I think we had unbelievable chemistry (Not blog appropriate but you get the point) and sometimes I wonder if I will ever find that again. I also think that it made It harder for me to get over because we have remained “friends”, which in my own little world gives me a false sense of hope…and yes I know I put myself in that situation and have no one to blame but myself.  It’s not like I haven’t tried to get over him. I’ve been on a few dates, dated someone in the summer for a short period of time and heck even had a little fun along the way. But I am always left wondering what is holding me back. I don’t ever want to feel the way I did that day, but I also know I may have to take that chance again someday.

Now having said all that I don’t particularly want a relationship right now, I just want to be over it, and to feel ok with it. Because to be completely honest, at this point I love being “selfish”. I can do what I want, when I want. I don’t have to answer to anyone. If I’m in a grumpy mood, I can turn my music up loud and dance around. I can be messy, I can change into sweats when I come home…oh wait maybe these are all the reasons I am still single…lol! I guess their are a few good things that have come out of it. I started to play soccer again, i have gotten back into school, i feel like i have a better sense of me. To be honest i probably would not have done any of those if i was still in a relationship.I know those may not be a big deal to some people but its a small step in the right direction.

Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one going through these emotions but for some reason I have a feeling I am not alone. And I know that one day I will find “that can’t eat, can’t sleep, reach for the stars over the fence the world series kind of love.”  It’ll just take some time.

First time.

Well i thought i would dive right into the blogging world. I have a few that i follow on a regular basis and thought why not give it a try.

Now i know to some people shannon's world may not be that exciting but you never know what could happen! Please do not take offense to anything i write or vent about. It is not meant to be mean, or rude!  It's just for fun! A friend told me just to be real and honest and that's what i intend to do!

So welcome to Shannon's World...the good, the bad, the ugly!!

Please be kind!